old entries.

we all come from the same place. but our experiences are vastly different. it is interesting, the paths we choose, the people we meet, the lives we harbor... and it's all a bit glamorous at times. all trying so hard to be uniquely individualized or ardently noticed. it starts to get all too draining at times. and actively depressing. i don't like feeling like i'm constantly participating in what feels like a competition for selfhood. grand prize: a tumorous ego.


my heart calls upon those that bear the light and ignite the fire. it seeks the strength to understand what this means. and to activate the effort that it entails.
i am but a lone soul. a witness of the light and a threat to the blackened sea. it is my unbreakable endurance, my continual bleed that will forever fight for the highest of these truths. i plead.


i am fighting for peace. my troubled mind has me blind in despair: where is my contentment. where is my humble heart.

bubblegum, fairy tales, and rainbows.

http://biancacasady.com/

god i love her. cocorosie.

tea parties and shooting stars.

feathers and flowered sashes.

a true inspiration.

i need that right now.

love&light, harmony&grace, gratitude, i love you.

peace.

my love, my life. remembering June 3, 2009.

who would've ever known the biggest little has a Zoo.. definitely Reno style... charmingly ghet.

we laughed here, we loved here, we played here. he was in his element; never fully understood until now: nevada, art, black hills, log cabin, fuzzy cuddly nims, furniture, truck, studio, gut. skin, stretch, deer. trophy. hunter. nma.

he's the hot dog in town now. who would've ever thought?.. the lanky kid from souwth dakoota'... nahh, couldn't be.

well deserved.

in love. with you. ever and ever and ever.

the root of all evil.

confusion. struggle. money, money, money. one of the greatest traps we get ourselves stuck in... money and all the fear that comes with it. all i want more in life right now is to leave this little city and explore, dream, and create. but a quick reality check and thousands of dollars of debt later, i feel more stuck than i ever have before. im 25 this year. 25! i don't want to be in reno another year, another season, another, other, other.. i need to break away and breath for once, on my own for once, live for once. ...but how? 

the roots penetrate my frail wings,

as the salty tears cascade into the rain.

what to remember: perception. it's all in my perception. and matter is all an illusion. creation is only a thought away. the secret. my secret. wish it, believe it, own it. and it will come. it will be. my manifestation.

love always.

i am missing him.

a female sea

in twice to you once. i am but the red acrylic mandorla. beat in by the deepening scar. torn apart by the tightened tether. my love for you once wept, but now only soars. beyond breath, beyond water. the ocean is its depth and the universe is its limit. in twice to you once. with love. my life. you are.

another day, another night: Agnus Dei

dark clouds loom over her tender ribs. beaten in by the impending fear. where the soft plump flesh rests, so does that of his rusting spear. quietly sound, vulnerably there. that heart, delicate so, only beats louder as the cries become gasps for air.

blind faith crumbles as the sash falls from her eyes and reluctantly floats to the smoldering depths of his filthy despair.

the scars penetrate his brittle skin, deepening into the unforgiving layers of hell. the black tar moves slowly through his veins, choking off all that breathes; suffocating every threshold of her very embrace. trapped where the light has failed to reach, he sits alone. deep in the crevice of an empty void, a hollow cavity. tarnished, sick, and wet with grief, he sits in the place where his heart once beat.

the earth is changing my life for once. and i can't stop.

New beginnings.. and i am for once ready. very ready.

All things must come to an end for those greater things to begin. 

My Life: beautiful. 

My Love: lost.

My Self: anew.

My Education: over.

My Real Life: about to begin.

Going Raw has changed my life. I am who I used to be, who I've yearned to be, who I have always wanted to be. I am happy. And as sad as it may seem, that is a very difficult thing to have and to hold within this societal confine we live in. Happiness. It's a secret, it's a gem, it's a diamond in the rough. Don't let it go. It's the hardest thing to get back.

**What you thought was love. The love that binds the inner workings of an entangled web. Light, flowing strands, attach the cord to every thing it can, attempting to bind all that lives inside of you, all that breaths, all that is born of your swollen, dying womb. An honest attempt to connect, a naive attempt to grow, to expand: it is the love of the lower nature. It is the love of matter, the love of the screaming darkness, the love of loneliness: always the nature of the vital. A desire. Sticking and wrapping and choking off all circulation, leaving you breathing in contaminated air. Blinding your clearest sight. Believing the sounds you can not hear. And falling into your deepest, darkest despair; dragging your heart, your soul, and your delicate intellect through the pungent feces of the lower vital. And your poor vision keeps you from seeing, your poor will keeps you from trying, your slowing heart keeps you from feeling . Held in contempt, the rage subdued, the numbness pulsating through every moral you thought you had. But instead sold to the devil of despair. Sold to the devil that resides within the deepest desires of your sacred well, left wishing away all memories, hopes, and dreams. Running the well dry, killing your love, your life, your purpose softly.**

This is where I have been, but will never be again; dragging the weight of the world's waste, contaminating everything I sought to do, to try, to acquire, contaminated by the filth that I carry no longer. After years of wasted breath, wasted love, wasted hope, I finally conjured up the strength to let it all go. Simply let go.

And it fell.

It fell so far, so long, I never heard it hit bottom. And I didn't care. I didn't look back. Instead I smiled for the first time in years. I could finally smell the fresh, sweet air, finally breath, finally see. And I ran. One thousand pounds lighter, the feathered wings of my heart dissipated into the light as the landscapes of my past slowly vanished before my eyes. I ran.

Here's to "dojay" and her pregnant womb; and to every single creation/experience/happening she will soon give birth to.

love yourself.

go raw.

peace.

d.rose