a diary entry

well, i did it. i finally signed up for this lovely world wide web blogspot. it feels pretty silly considering i will most likely be the only one to be reading it, but hey, a little self therapy didn't hurt anybody. we'll call it a diary. my diary. haven't had one of those for a long time, my first and only diary, before i upgraded to 'journals', was light blue with a rainbow on the cover. it had a lock that although could have been pried open with a pair of tweezers, made it feel safe for me to write anything and everything my little heart desired. so here i am, not writing in my private little blue diary with pink pages, but typing directly onto the www and essentially exposing myself to the utmost vulnerability...so on that note, where shall i begin? 

lets start here. i am learning. i am learning a lot about myself right now. not about anything that would generally make you feel good about yourself, like pride and confidence. but rather, i am learning about the things that make me feel really bad about myself, such as, my faults. my downfalls. my ignorance. ..and i hate. i am not perfect, nor will i ever be, but i do fall victim to an overly stimulated mind that never ceases to triumph in my entrapment. never before have i felt so lost, so confused, so trapped, so control-less. my mind has me so muffled, i cant decipher one thought from the next, let alone evaluate my stance. that is the great power of the mind. the power to smash, to dictate, to torture, to kill. and i, i am a slave. a slave of the mind. a weak and velvet hate. for where is my strength, where is my power? where is my endurance and where is my victory? i have lost all sight of you, for i know not where i am.

i am weak, i am velvet.

a diary entry.