purge

in her breath i do weep.


she tells me of life, of surrender, of goddess divine. she explains in detail the experience of detachment, of refinement, of ambush and decline. she recites devotion and proclaims release. she devours expectation and rejoices inner peace. her ability to love beyond their hate is something i've painstakingly had to learn to embrace. i find sorrow in her lust. i find weak in her strong. my love for her is so thick, it burns.


there is no more room for love in this heart of mine. she has taken up every last space. but i would still give her more if she asked. reaching to every extremity my limbs do possess. i'd die for her i said, i'd die for her. i would kill my own breath.


can love become so vicious that i strangle my very heart that beats and bangs so malignantly beneath my chest? does she know how utterly hard it is to contain the pain that so violently thrashes himself against the walls of my breast? do i dare tell her of this mess.


i want to cry and scream so hard that my chest fucking explodes and bleeds red all over her linen sheets. i want to stab my heart so hard my last breath leaves me for nothing and i choke away my gut-wrenching feat. i want to curl up into fetal position and know what it feels like to have somebody cradle me back. to have my mother cradle my back. to have my mother love me back. to have my mother back. to have my mother back. to have my mother back. to have my mother back. to have my mother back. i want my mother back.


i hate so much that I'm weak. because i try so hard to be strong. but in the end, i will always wish she had never gone. i was too young, i was too young.


I'm sorry mother. i will never love anyone more intensely than i do you. and i know it's because i will never have you like i used to.






the tears are cold and my chest empty. it makes me feel so lonely. a lovers heartache could never match the loss of a daughters mom.