and naturally, so as for me not to miss her, cadence made herself so plainly obvious she appeared at the top of page 82. pre-meditatively of course.

written 6/3/11
now let me see if it is even in the slightest bit possible to put this into words. even though it is as if the pure joy of ecstasy has no words. a truly undefinable, un-identifiable, euphoric experience that once attempted to confine into matter's method of communication--language--you lose it all. now, the fickle, dual-natured gemini sun in me has been in conflict over this very attempt to put in words what i have been experiencing, one - because how can I possibly and successfully complete such a task, and two - because I would be overwhelmed by a sense of deficiency to wrongly describe and/or transcribe something so powerful into the minds and universe around me. but then again, and option number three - what does it matter? i tried. and the burning sensations of solidification through word would become still. content. i have this ongoing desire in me to not forget. which is the most hilarious irony i know since my mind only remembers that which i did an hour before, maybe four. but definitely nothing more. and so I waiver between these two, three, options of my controlling mind because sometimes this task of writing can become acutely confounding, but to my surprise always rewarding. so here it goes.

freedom. what does this word really mean? i am discovering its layers, one by one, they reveal themselves to me and, one by one, i am relinquishing its veils. freedom is a state of being, not something to achieve. we are already free. this notion of free is even off-scale, for the very word sets yourself in condemnation. it creates a dichotomy, making something UN-free. to be free implies we live in a state of un-free-ness until we become free. this is WRONG. WE ARE FREE NOW. it becomes a matter of lifting the veils we have accumulated over time, over and over and over and over, lifting them one by one further clearing our vision and seeing, feeling this sense of free more and more with each veil risen. the chains and shackles of our surroundings, our society, our very nature and the matter that exists within and around us. it is ingrained. it is impeded deep within the bone. and deeper. this is our battle zone. this is where you hear the warrior cries. high pitched yellow, orange and blood red screeching heralding its own death and the excrutiating pain that gives birth to the blues, pinks and purples of the third eye. and the third eye of his third eye. and so on.

the divine flow. where is this flow coming from and where is it going? i have practiced living within or abiding by the natural flow of divinity since i can remember. this, i remember, was one of my first lessons. however, mastery is far from taste, a nibble for that matter. literally. i have learned that this technique goes hand in hand and never without the loss of ego. only then can you see the play happen before your eyes and only then can you INTERact (not REact) with its movements.