The similarity in the place I was in my life when I started writing in this blog and now when I'm pulled back again are eerily the same. I've come full circle.. but of what? Is it a forward moving circle or have I been running counter-clockwise? I was a senior in BFA, winter, in my last semester and feeling the immense urge for change and passion and drive and creation. Six years later and I'm in my last semester of MFA, dead of winter, feeling immensely anxious for change, for new, for accomplishment, acknowledgment and for love.
This makes me sad. At the same time also hopeful. I feel the weight and burden of that time when I was 22, but more, double, triple.. It's hard on my chest. It's not healthy, my heart tells me, begs me to stop. to chill out. Theres so much to catch up on.. it gives me anxiety. Like I'm losing segments of my life that I'm not ready to forget. I see myself in the same state and capacity as I was when I was 22 at the current age of 30.. the feelings of inadequacy and failure over churn me.
Maybe I just need to write...
bc he's not listening.
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